Archive for the ‘Your Keyword Sucks’Category

Ladies, Debenhams says your feet stink

196/365 Need new shoes
Creative Commons License photo credit: stuartpilbrow

According to Debenhams PPC targeting, Women’s shoes posses a rather pungent smell and they have a sale?! Does anyone hear negatives? Thanks to Russel for submitting this PPC advert!

The ‘Stinky Feet Remedy’ is nicely targeted, even ‘Odour Shoes’ at Amazon I can deal with (for the moment) but Debenhams Blue Cross Sale?!  Talk about a waste of ad title!  Are searchers suppose to magically appreciate a link between the Debenhams blue cross sale and smelly shoes? Maybe you guys are targeting a niche market of smelly feet appreciators?! Whatever the case, it all “Ends Sun” Boo!

This advert is far too generic. The only keyword matching from the search query to the ad copy is within the display URL that  falls under ‘womens shoes’.  Is this a blatant indication that women have smelly feet or have Debenhams failed on a number of PPC issues such as negatives, advert copy, targeting and common sense?!

You know we don’t like PPC adverts with no relevance to the searched keyword. Well done guys. Just sticking shoes and women in at the end of the URL isn’t going to make it any more relevant. Lets run a Search Query Performance Report (SQPR) and make our adgroups a little more targeted please. If you don’t, you’ll end up with adverts that bear little relevancy to the searchers query.  Wave goodbye to your spend.

Right enough ranting,  we’re off to the Blue Cross Sale to smell some stinky women’s shoes! Catch you all next time!

21

07 2010

Buy Me On Amazon! But Be Prepared to Spend

Looking to see what an average YOU would go for these days?? Well you can find out! List yourself on Amazon.com or see how much stock you’re worth on the open market. Apparently I sell as a beauty product, what will you be?

buy-me-pics-copySuggestions to PPC users, and pay attention:

  • Dynamic Keyword Insertion should be used with extreme caution. Especially for beginners.
  • Tighten those ad groups ladies!! Hopefully Amazon doesn’t think it can actually sell ANYTHING! “Me” should definitely not be one of their product lines, or I’m in trouble.
  • Be careful with acronyms and colloquialisms. “ME” stock doesn’t mean the same thing to you as it means to me. I’m the user, not you.

In the end, you may not have thought anyone would search the term “buy me.” But isn’t that the point? Your PPC ads should only be showing for those keywords that represent your business, that identify and pre-qualify the user, and find the user that is ready to BUY. I’m not looking to buy ME, so don’t let your ad show up when I search it. Your PPC Sucks.

30

03 2009

Kill A Cop Careers Advertised on Google

It’s plain and simple. Google obviously must be perceived to have a ‘trusty’ index of information for people to turn to it for all of their needs. Regardless off how legal or screwed up they are, Google returns information all the time. But I can’t quite admit they should advertise on every ad and search, all the time.

google-search-kill-a-copSo for the search “Kill A Cop” as of 3/30/2009 and where I am in the US ( the ambiguous everywhere….. apparently though, where I am not is fixing Pay Per Click Bloopers) – these are the ads that showed up for such a query:

kill-a-cop-advertismentHAHAHA. “Kill A Cop. – Move your career forward with an accredited online degree!” ?

Assassination school was never so public.  🙂 But hey, at least you can advance/move your career even during an economic recession!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE run a ‘keyword query report’ in Adwords reporting services once in a while and see what searches are triggering your advertisements. Dynamic keyword insertion is lazy anyway. The Ad should have problem read “Become A Cop”, right?

NOPE. I can’t get these ads to show up for the searches for “cop” and “a cop”. The only time I can get them to come up is just for the search term exactly “Kill A Cop” !! Holy Crap! Why?

chips-cop-tv-show

Special thanks to the twitter user @joshtauber for the keyword search submission!

30

03 2009

Someone Selling Obama on Pay Per Click Advertising?

Are you a lobbyist, activists, and/or someone in the pursuit of buying our new president for personal or financial gain? Our PPC humor blog here on www.yourPPCsucks.com has uncovered a loophole in our democracy You can buy President Obama on NexTag.Com.

We (the aforementioned PPC humor blog) wanted to buy off Obama in the hopes we could get a bill passed that would prevent the abuse of bad and embarrassing advertising on our search engines. (We’re looking at your eBay.com, Amazon.com, Local.com, Shopzilla.com, & Target.com!) Go ahead and toss up NexTag.Com to that list.

buy obama on ppc from nextag

17

03 2009

Funny PPC! Buy Meth From Ebay.com and Local.com

*Ad was user submission: Thanks Ben!

We all know you can find just about ANYTHING on the internet. What you may not know, is despite Google’s strict rules prohibiting the sale of illegal drugs via Adwords, eBay.Com and Local.com have found a way to solicit Meth. Crystal.

The hard stuff. Ice. Crank. White Crunch. Crizzy. Devil Dust.

It doesn’t help that eBbay.co.uk’s advertisement says “Feed your passion on eBay.com.uk!”

ebay-ppc-meth1utah-buy-methUtah Meth? Isn’t that the last state you’d think would be advertising Meth? ( Or maybe the conservative religious base is just a cover! )

Assignment America!

Search for “Buy Meth” in your homestate, let’s see who is advertising on it. Send me a screen shot.

12

03 2009

Shopzilla Has Bargain Prices on Leg Amputees

Let’s start this post with answering a common question that will come to mind. No, I don’t know why anyone was searching for ‘leg amputees‘ on Google. But, a user gave me a link to the results page and I had to write a post about it. 🙂

Shopzilla PPC Ad: Buy Leg amputees“So, honey – when does our new leg amputee come in? You know we have to keep up with the Jones’s!”

What I really want to know is, what word was Shopzilla.com bidding on? Leg or Amputees?

Neither. They are actually bidding on the term “Leg Amputees” exactly. Naturally, I HAD to see the landing page so I clicked through. (is that click fraud? . . . sorry)

They did a great job building up my excitement! “You’re about to discover great deals on…. Leg Amputees”. Yes! I can’t wait!

leg amputees waiting shopzilla .  .  .  . sad panda. It was disappointing. Nothing. They don’t actually sell any leg amputees.

Screw you Shopzilla!

I am sure you share in my disappointment, and I am sorry you can’t actually buy a leg amputee, but I have good new for those with a very specific kind of fetish: (still using the same search term ‘leg amputees’).

date leg amputees

I love the internet, it does so much for all of us.

11

03 2009

Yahoo Relevancy Fails Again – Mickey Mouse & Tupperware?

Just when I finished beating up Yahoo for having a horrible ad serving engine and failure to care about keyword-ad relevancy, they amazed me yet again. I searched for Mickey Mouse, and right in the middle of their ads was this little gem:

mickey-mouse-search-yahootupperware-and-mickey-mouseI’m no genius, but www.my.tupperware.com isn’t trying sell anything to do with Mickey Mouse in this bad ppc ad. Kids are out searching for mickey mouse all the time, might as well try and get them addicted sucked into the Tupperware parties scheme like a broke soccer mom who thinks their salvation is in a $60, 7 piece ‘heat ‘n serve’ set complete with a ‘no worry automatic valve’.

( … I want that … )

Just in case, I went back to Yahoo and re-performed my search to check out the landing page for that ad.

I mean…. if we are talking about a failure to be relevant to the users search, maybe they had a good landing page.

tupperwarecom-ppc-landing-pageNope. A log in page.

No selling of anything. No content of any kind. Nothing to do with Mickey Mouse.

Even IF the keyword and ad’s were 100% about Tupperware, and the searcher really was trying to find a website the sells or has info about it: My.Tupperware.com chose probably the least relevant page on their site.

10

03 2009

Bid On A Misspelled Word, But Don’t Use It In Your Ad

There are plenty of times I would recommend bidding on misspellings in your PPC campaign. People often misspell search terms.

But don’t be stupid and use it in your ad. It’s bad PPC, and really bad advertising.

misspelling-in-ppc-ad

How the heck did ALL the businesses bidding on the term ‘chilrens’ end up using dynamic keyword insertion? (if it’s not that… then it means they actually MEANT to put the typo in their ad? WTF?).

How relevant do they feel a search for ‘childrens’ or ‘chilrens’ is for allergy medication & alarm clocks?

www.RightHealth.Com  –  www.Boots.Pronto.Com  –  www.Cataloglink.com : Your PPC sucks!

Just because someone misspells the seach term, you aren’t relating or ‘connecting’ to them though by using that same misspelling again in your ad. Your ad represents your business. Pretend this is your billboard or magazine ad. You all look stupid.

06

03 2009

Adwords Keyword Tool Suggested Baby Makin’ Music

We got a suggestion trough our submission form today that basically outlined that their own campaign was running some bad ppc keywords and sucking money. They operate a baby/child music and song website and used the Adwords keyword suggestion tool.

They missed a crucial keyword.

We logged into an Adwords account to verify suggestions for Children’s Music: Adwords recommended ‘ baby makin’ music ‘!

Google Keyword Suggestion: Baby Makin' Music

Lesson learned: Your PPC will suck if you don’t scutinize the keywords that make it into your campaign.

06

03 2009

eBay.Com Sells Everything, Including God

Even if you could bid on this, would you?

I think ‘omnipresent’ indicates free shipping  at least.

(okay I am going to hell)

That's just too ballsy.

That's just too ballsy eBay. There are some things money can't buy. MasterCard would agree.

04

03 2009