Your PPC Sucks

Let’s start this post with answering a common question that will come to mind. No, I don’t know why anyone was searching for ‘leg amputees‘ on Google. But, a user gave me a link to the results page and I had to write a post about it.

“So, honey – when does our new leg amputee come in? You know we have to keep up with the Jones’s!”

What I really want to know is, what word was Shopzilla.com bidding on? Leg or Amputees?

Neither. They are actually bidding on the term “Leg Amputees” exactly. Naturally, I HAD to see the landing page so I clicked through. (is that click fraud? . . . sorry)

They did a great job building up my excitement! “You’re about to discover great deals on…. Leg Amputees”. Yes! I can’t wait!

.  .  .  . sad panda. It was disappointing. Nothing. They don’t actually sell any leg amputees.

Screw you Shopzilla!

I am sure you share in my disappointment, and I am sorry you can’t actually buy a leg amputee, but I have good new for those with a very specific kind of fetish: (still using the same search term ‘leg amputees’).

I love the internet, it does so much for all of us.

There are plenty of times I would recommend bidding on misspellings in your PPC campaign. People often misspell search terms.

But don’t be stupid and use it in your ad. It’s bad PPC, and really bad advertising.

How the heck did ALL the businesses bidding on the term ‘chilrens’ end up using dynamic keyword insertion? (if it’s not that… then it means they actually MEANT to put the typo in their ad? WTF?).

How relevant do they feel a search for ‘childrens’ or ‘chilrens’ is for allergy medication & alarm clocks?

www.RightHealth.Com  -  www.Boots.Pronto.Com  -  www.Cataloglink.com : Your PPC sucks!

Just because someone misspells the seach term, you aren’t relating or ‘connecting’ to them though by using that same misspelling again in your ad. Your ad represents your business. Pretend this is your billboard or magazine ad. You all look stupid.

Rule #1 when advertising to the blind: Don’t mention SEE or SEEN or SEEING ever.

There’s a line and they crossed it. Without shame. It’s a great way to give the middle finger to the handicapped TechMatrix.org and BrailleBookstore.com

I'm sure they'd love to see it. Rub it in.

And they never will BrailleBookstore.com.... and they never will.

Target – target – target ….. tisk tisk. RetailMeNot.Com selling kids can’t have the space to themselves? Mass retailers always gotta step on the little guys. Supply and demand I guess. People wanted to buy kids online and then everyone wants to sell them.

This makes comparison shopping easier for me

Well – online ordering is a really nice feature I’ve been wanting for a while now: Toss in free shipping and you’ve twisted my arm!

I am not even going to get into EVERYTHING that’s wrong with this ad. You don’t even need to know the keyword searched to produce it (…. okay fine… ‘buy children’).

RetailMeNot.Com Sell's Children. At discount even. One heck of a bargain (and convenient too).

I really really really really want to do a search query report to see what search terms trigger ad’s for companies like this, Target.com, eBay, etc.  I hope RetailMeNot.Com isn’t VC funded – this would be baaaaad news to see how crappy their money is being used.